Not an update, really.

by sakuraso

My blog has been left abandoned for a long time, mostly due to my constantly recurring hermititis. This blog was never meant to change the world, or tackle serious issues. Which is ironic really, considering I keep getting followers and comments on posts dealing with gender issues. I started a blog, partly because that’s what everyone does, but mostly so I could share things that I like or are on my mind, usually with friends and like-minded people. An occasional rant about something serious was inevitable, mostly because when something riles me up I just can’t let it go. It is however, not something I can do regularly, as I’m really not thick skinned enough, I can’t just brush off trolls and troll-like people who have very narrow-minded views and aren’t open to discourse of any kind. I prefer to leave it to those with a thicker skin and greater eloquence…

I’ve been considering what to do with this blog, looking through old entries, thinking about what to do with them. I’ll probably delete a lot of my old entries to make way for something new.

I’m starting a whole new chapter in my life, I’m going back to university for a second degree, changing my entire path. I got my degree in Japanese, in the end, though for a long time I was rethinking what I really wanted to do. My love for Japanese hasn’t changed, but as a career? A degree in Japanese is quite limiting, in a way. Many of my friends are teaching English in Japan, and many of them aren’t sure what to do in the future. It’s not something that leads to great stability really. I’m not cut out for teaching, I don’t think. Or rather, not cut out for sitting for hours marking homework. I’d be tempted to just not set any for my own sanity, but as much as kids would love that, it would be doing them a disservice.

What other options are there? I could work in a Japanese company. However, I decided early on that I probably couldn’t handle a corporate job. My concentration is just too poor, my procrastination is bad enough, even when doing things I enjoy.

SOAS had once suggested, possibly in a prospectus, that people with a degree in Japanese often go into film, helping to maintain accuracy, or working with costume departments etc. But my (admittedly limited) experience of the film industry, taught me that I can’t handle the many…. assholes that reside there. It only took me 2 shoots to develop an instinct as to who was there for the love of it, and who was there to be a celebrity. And the latter kind, I cannot stand. They usually have no real talents to speak of, and despite not being able to offer anything of worth themselves, look down on everyone else. I remember a would-be-actress who was constantly rude to the director, the director! Of course, he was having none of it. Maybe if she had been the next Julie Andrews or Elizabeth Taylor, he might have taken it, but she was no more than a pretty face, a pretty face that looked constipated whenever she attempted to show emotion – he kicked her out. Don’t know what she’s doing now, but hopefully she’s learnt some humility. Or maybe she’s just applying to Big Brother, and failing, who knows? Another one who sticks out in my mind, was a fellow extra in an advert we were filming, he rocked up on the day blinged up looking like Russell Brand, despite the brief being to look -plain- as it was an anti-abuse advert. He added all of us on Facebook, and when the advert was completed, and I was cut out (possibly ’cause I wasn’t as pretty as the other girls there, it’s just a fact of the industry, if you don’t look right for the part, you just don’t look right for the part, no bitterness on my part – some of the girls there were stunning), he immediately deleted me, and everyone else who was cut. Charming insight no? The last I heard of him was him tweeting about ‘going for a glamorous shoot’ – yeah, I saw him in the audience of the Wright Stuff that day – I’m sure they utilised all your talents there, dude. Didn’t even ask his opinion – probably for the best.

But the point of this rant tangent, was that while there are a lot of wonderful people in the industry, there are a lot of jerks, and I just can’t handle it. So, that option was out too.

I then started thinking outside my little world, and looked at what other things I liked, and what I was good at. To cut a long story short(er), I got an unconditional offer from the University of Southampton for Bsc Oceanography. With a foundation year, since I’ve been so long in humanities I need to catch up on all the science. This hopefully, will lead to a career both scientific, and to do with Japan. And sharks. I will work with sharks even if it kills me. And it probably will, to be fair.

Back to the question of, what to do with this blog? Considering my new start, and my whole new path, I imagine I’ll be posting a lot of fishy stuff, as well as diving stuff, since I’ve been busy getting PADI qualified. However, I’ve not lost any of my love for Japan, so I can’t see myself not writing about Gackt, or the latest jrock gig or whatever. I still love my sci-fi, my love for Star Trek & Star Wars is still strong. I still replay Mass Effect on a daily basis. I still watch Sherlock Holmes, pretty much every day, and I still love me some LotR.

So what does that leave me with?

A very goddam confused blog.

I’m at a loss, really. I can keep being really random. And hope that the lovely people who are following this blog won’t be too annoyed with just filtering out the stuff they don’t care about. I could limit myself to Oceanography, and those people who are following because they’re interested in Japan, or sci-fi or whatever, can just delete me with a clear conscience and safe in the knowledge they won’t miss anything. Though I’m not sure I can handle not being random.

This entirely pointless post, is essentially me saying: I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. But hopefully I’ll figure it out at some point. Maybe I’ll even update regularly, who knows? Stranger things have happened.

I leave you all with a picture of my dog, looking confused.



4 Comments to “Not an update, really.”

  1. Welcome back to the blogging world! No, your blog isn’t confused, not by a long stretch.

    • Thank you! ^.^
      I dunno, I always like the blogs that have a very clear vision, but I guess, since I’m not out to change the world, and it’s a personal blog, I’m allowed to be as random as I want >D

  2. Aleks, your blog is awesome. It’s awesome because it’s honest and you don’t pretend you’re totally clued up about everything. You’re real, humorous and inspiring. Thanks for taking us all on your journey :) makes me feel that if there are people out there searching for meaning and a place in the world, there’s still hope for others out there to find something they also love.

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